im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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