I just threw up on my dentist
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
