RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My vagina just clenched in fear
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
