Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
