I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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