a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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