did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
