just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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