she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
