I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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