in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
