Do you still have your period?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
