I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
