oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
