oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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