Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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