I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
