guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
