I smell stomach acid.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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