You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
