Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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