His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
