he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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