Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
is it fun? or sober?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
