That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
