Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
