pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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