my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
