just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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