We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
