K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
