new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
