Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
