so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
