yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
