the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
