I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
