so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
