I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you never un-have a 4some
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
