Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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