We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
