I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
