A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
