you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
