i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
