Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize