real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
