If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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