I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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