pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
