The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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