yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
