yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
