my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's official drugs can't kill me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
