PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
