Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
