I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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