I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
