Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
