then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize