He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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