you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
