Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
