also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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