her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
