Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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