This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
