just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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