they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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