Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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