You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
