Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
