did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize