My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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