I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
