I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
