I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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