i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
