Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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