she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
