sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
