so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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