just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
