Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The air was thick with penises
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
