the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
