apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize