i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we're making bets on your personal life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
