Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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