i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
