Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
