I heard we made out
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize