you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Randomize
