this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
